Actors, aka Woodwinds

Had two auditions today at the same time and same office! After filling out useless information on the sign-in card (hat size? hips?) and getting my polaroid taken by a casting assistant, I sat in a corner, took out a big history book and read none of it. They called my name for the first audition and I went into a room with two other "actors." We were faced with a semicircular table, three cups of water and a stack of polaroids. Before I could figure out the riddle, the casting guy had us slate our name and get down to commercial business. We improvised a scene of three buds hangin' at a cafe, checking out pics and drinking tea (Lipton!). My co-stars were a tall & lovely Japanese girl with four exhausted brain cells and a guy who wished he was in a retarded Strokes cover band. Needless to say, I swept everybody in the room off their feet with my breezy wit and dynamic line inflections. Then I felt like hanging myself. But I had another audition! Just down the hall! So, I put off plans for a sweet goodnight as I was called in for the next casting.

This time, we went in in twos: me and lovely Japanese girl. We played a very likely couple out for a drive (in a Ford!). The sweet thing could hardly make out the cue cards. Though I must say, that the copy twice made the error of spelling "schmooze" as "smooz". Honest mistake for little lady Tokyo, plus she must be new to this dazzling country. On camera, our dialogue must have sounded like hiccups. She's got her pronouncing and reading issues and then there's me, hamming it up like a kid in special ed. I totally booked that shit.