Stand on the Line

I had a "print" audition today. These are the ads you see when you're thumbing through a magazine, looking for something interesting to read. Or, in the case of Cosmo readers, this is why you read the magazine. Print auditions are known in the biz as "Go-Sees," as in, "Go See all the tall people with delicate noses!" Now, other than that, all it takes to enter the inner circle of Grandmaster print models is an ability to stand on two feet and open your eyes. The rest is magic... fun magic! They stick a number on your shirt like a branded cow and put you in front of a photographer. She'll usually tell you have a relaxed smile and to pretend that you're at a poolside party with hot friends and cold cocktails. She's obviously never been to my round-the-clock crackfests at the flophouse. I could cook her up a mean brew. She'd maybe puke after the first two hits, but after that it'd be a slow, sweet descent to the floor.