The Secret

It's a miserable thing, being an actor. I'm caught now in an unemployment funk. Despite having some nice auditions for projects I actually could care about, I still haven't struck the booking phase. My thereapist calls me a high-caliber out-of-work actor.

I saw this Oprah special the other day. I DVRed it, actually. Shameful. This particular episode was about The Secret - a DVD by this Australian woman who has apparently culled from the annals of history a sure-fire method to success and happpiness. I watched the episode with great interest. It's basically a system aimed at chaging the way you think. Laws of Attraction. Your life will inevitably attract the thoughts you entertain. It's a Power of Positive Thinking for people enthralled by The DaVinci Code.

I've been trying to apply some of this thinking. I feel like I'm conning myself when I do it. If I put a positive, forgiving spin on everything that comes into my life, I'm consequently denying feelings of anger, dissapointment, and regret. This makes me feel like a robot. Like I'm pickling myself in false hope. Then, when I do allow those negative thoughts to pour out, it's even worse. After days of shoring up my anger with sandbags of hope, the rage builds to such a bursting point that I think about doing rash things. All thanks to positive thinking.

But if I'm predisposed to be a touch miserable, should I just be that? Be myself? Be a touch miserable, selfish and moody? I think that's the most honest I can be.